Pretty much every person I know gave me a really quizzical look when I told them I was joining the Navy. Naturally, most asked me why I made such a decision, and many were particularly curious about how this decision related to my identity as a practicing buddhist. After answering each of them one by one, hearing how the story changed from person to person, I resolved to start a blog to discuss the interweaving of both issues as I see it. Maybe this is an egotistical thing to do, but I feel that this exercise is possibly beneficial enough that it is okay.
A nice lady who gave me a ride to Tassajara for one last visit before I shipped off asked what made me decide to join "the war machine." One of my teachers said simply, "being a warrior is not buddhist." To the lady, my answer was something to the effect of wanting to understand the military from the inside rather than keep the judgments I have made with zero direct experience. I didn't really have an answer for my teacher. But I think both conversations exemplify many American buddhists' feelings about the military and buddhism -- feelings I do share, in part -- and thus are something I really want to examine.
I joined the navy because of a confluence of many issues in my life. For one thing, I was not happy with where I was: I worked at a coffee shop, I was living paycheck-to-paycheck, I had no car, I had lost the motivation to continue pursuing standup and/or acting... I did not feel like anything I was doing gave my life any meaning. I was also unhappy about having never challenged my analytical thinking skills; I majored in theater (which is a decision I still am very happy with), but I could easily have done some kind of engineering degree instead. I wanted to travel more. I wanted to meet and work with many different types of people.
Beyond these personal, practical issues lay a different kind of reason for joining: it is my heart's deepest wish to ordain as a monk in the zen buddhist lineage of Suzuki-roshi, eventually studying to lead and teach others in the practice. I feel strongly that time in the navy will not only shore me up financially but will also provide a lot of good experience which will benefit me as a leader. Aside from not being in a good financial position, I felt going straight from "aimless L.A. ne'er-do-well" to "monk in the mountains" would not serve my goals. I wanted to do something in the "real world" before retreating for extended spiritual study. I feel that such experience would give me a certain "street cred" in the eyes of whomever I may lead in future... I figure people will be more receptive to guidance from someone who struggled with a life more like one they might be leading as opposed to someone who only ever led more of a slacker/seeker existence. Perhaps I am wrong. But I would not be content to set up a zendo and welcome the sort of people who routinely seem to show up at such places (there are many of them in California, particularly in the bay area). There seem to be many good teachers who are available for that demographic. I wish to engage more of a "blue-collar" crowd, people who are more reluctant to seek out eastern spiritual practice; I want to bring meditation practice to people who might miss out otherwise.
As for the compatability of working for the military and guiding toward buddhist teaching, I question the notion that a buddhist should avoid the military. I feel that most people would think buddhist philosophy of non-violence, the precept against taking life, etc. would make a military career off-limits. After all, such work usually entails taking the life of sentient beings, or at least aiding such efforts. However, I question what is accomplished by avoiding doing such "dirty work" oneself. I will be an engineer in a nuclear power plant aboard an aircraft carrier. In all liklihood, I will never have to actually kill a person. However, the planes taking off from the carrier will be dropping bombs, so I am helping in a way. But aren't all Americans helping by paying taxes? Doesn't merely enjoying the protection of the military mean that each of us is already liable for the actions of the men and women who actually serve? What is gained by walking the ethical high ground while others must go a different route? I feel certain that a truly appropriate response to these questions is not so obvious, and I did not want to be a spiritual snob. We are all one; the differentiations between "buddhist" and "warrior", between "engineer" and "marine", between "military" and "civilian," are arbitrary and demand examination. I hope to examine these definitions up close. What's more, I feel it is helpful to fill a spot in the "war machine" with a body that really wishes for peace; perhaps in my own small way I can help bring the gears to a halt. And while I feel unequivocally that a military is necessary, I absolutely disagree with the manner in which our country runs military engagements. I think I may be more effective at bringing about the change I wish to see in the world by being a part of this institution than by staying out. These issues may elude resolution though I live a hundred years, but I feel that for me to study them in this way is crucial.
As a last thought, I wanted to explain the title. A bhikku is a monk, a follower of buddha who lives in retreat away from the hustle and bustle of lay life. Though I am pursuing a different path for now, eventually a bhikku is what I wanna be.
