My teacher was right; being a warrior is not buddhist.
At first, hearing this set my mind a-whirl trying to justify how being in the military COULD be considered buddhist. For example, the Navy's slogan is "A Global Force For Good." In many ways, the navy accomplishes positive ends: defending citizens from violence, protecting trade routes, aiding victims of natural disasters, etc. Also, the "war on terror" seems, in many ways, justified; the Taliban, Al Qaeda etc. are enemies not only of America but also of many peoples throughout the world whose only crimes are disagreeing with their ideology. But ask the innocent victims of America's military engagements (and, as I have heard, they are numerous) whether we are doing the right thing... I am not sure they would be so supportive. How many innocent civilians were killed in the efforts to oust Hitler and his allies? But I digress. Ultimately it did occur to me that if one vows to live for the benefit of all beings, it simply will not do to live only for the benefit of one's countrymen at the expense of one's enemies. Being a warrior entails making politically-based distinction between who one will and will not benefit.
Where does this leave me? Is it a lie to continue to identify myself as "buddhist" while I serve in my country's armed forces? I don't think that is so, either. Where, then, is the middle way in carving out such precipitous practice...
Perhaps it is in bringing compassion to the work that I do. No matter what I do for a living, I can find dharma gates to enter; I can find ways to practice compassion and mindfulness.
Perhaps it is in practicing non-judgment -- of my practice most of all.
One of my favorite quotes from Suzuki-roshi that I read in Crooked Cucumber is from a discussion he had with his future wife who had asked him to summarize buddhism in one sentence. He responded, "Buddhism is accepting what is, as it is, and helping it to be the best it can be." Perhaps there lies the middle way for me: accepting the military for what it is and helping to make it better through my efforts.
The bodhisattva, as I understand it, is one who puts off enlightenment until all beings have attained enlightenment. So if my time in the navy is not "right livlihood," this is okay as long as I nudge someone, anyone at all, towards their own path of awakening.
My teacher told me he didn't think I had it in me, to go into the military, to be a positive influence on whomever I encounter. Whether or not he meant this honestly and/or as disuasion from attempting this path, I felt, "well I won't put another head on top of my own!" and took it as a challenge. And I intend to rise to this challenge.
Even if I cannot help a single other person in living more mindfully or whatever, though, I still feel that walking this path can be beneficial. In offering this experience to my practice, offering my practice to others who are not in the military, I am hopeful that I and anyone else I might come across may in some way benefit... even if I don't know how.
In the first post addressing this topic, I focused on the issue of taking life and the futility of making distinctions between oneself, doing the right thing by not participating (though maybe helping in some way regardless), and another who actually pulls the trigger. In this attempt to address some of the loose ends that left me feeling unsatisfied with my first post, I focused more on the issue of being of benefit to sentient beings.
I still feel unsatisfied. I feel like I could write a post a week on this topic and never be satisfied. Really, this issue will be my koan for the entirety of my time in the navy... perhaps longer. So far it's been a really effective "grindstone." I just have to keep polishing...
As a last thought, I want to say only that I think this blog might be a mistake. It's not well-written and I only have about two and a half years of zen practice under my belt -- so I'm basically talking out of my ass about all the "facts" regarding buddhism, enlightenment, bodhisattvas, whatever. So be warned. I am doing this as a way to practice writing.
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